Once upon a time there was the Earth.
Well before that there was nothing, then a big bang, then eventually the earth.
Well, that's one theory, but it seems more likely than some bloke getting bored sitting around in the dark one day deciding to create the universe so he had something to fuck around with.
On this earth there lived some people.
A lot of people.
A hell of a lot of people.
Some would say, possibly too many people.
Which is probably why some of these people sat around writing stories about apocalypses, be they nuclear, zombie or pork related ones.
I could go into the pork related one, but then this would be an entirely different story.
So anyway, these people who lived on this earth, they decided one day that it would be a great idea that rather than eat their food raw, they should cook it.
So they invented fire.
And fire turned out to be awesome for a lot of things (warmth, cooking, clearing forests).
Buoyed by the success of fire, they then decided that being able to get around quickly would also be useful, so they invented the wheel.
And the wheel was also awesome.
Sometime later, someone decided tiny hats would be awesome.
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This is when shit started going wrong.
Very wrong.
Pork apocalypse wrong.
